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I feel like I always sing the song of my people (the always exhausted ones) - I'm tired!
This times it's because I've been way too active this weekend.
Friday I cleaned the goddamn shower stall. I frickin' hate that thing. Cleaning that small space of my home is my Mount Everest. I was very seriously contemplating hiring someone to do it, it had become overwhelmingly gross.
But I did it!
Fucking hell. Took me almost two hours and I was absolutely dead afterward, but I did it!
And it dawned on me how much ADHD affects me - I didn't (and still don't) have any feeling of contentment. I'm not in any way satisfied. There wasn't any happy burst of dopamine. I don't feel happy about what I did, I just feel tired and poopy and hate it.
No wonder why it's so hard to do any form of tasks, when there's no mental/physical reward afterward.
Sigh.
Saturday was a good day. I drove us to a beautiful and wonderful piece of nature (50 km each way, I'm proud of myself), where I spend a week in a vacation home some years ago. There's both beach and forest, and it's so amazing. I was a bit nervous to visit it again, since I didn't know how my brain would take it, but as soon as I parked, I was so, so, so happy. No people, the sound of waves crashing and this very beautiful forest.
I can't remember when I felt so happy just to be. The dog loved it and hubby had fun too.
At some point I heard a gunshot (hunters, not in that part of the forest, they put up signs where you shouldn't be) and a few moments later two herds of deer came thundering by. Never seen that before!
If I ever won in the lottery and become a multimillionaire, I would by that forest and enjoy my life there.
Yesterday, Sunday, we went to the neighbor's Christmas market. And when I say the neighbor, it's our landlord and they own a castle. We live on the edge of the castle's park, so it's a front row for the comotion. Last year they had 15.500 visitors over two weekends. I'm pretty sure they're gonna beat that this year. Holy fuck there was so many people everywhere.
We got free tickets, so we went and looked at all the stalls, bought a few things and I had a hot cocoa and some churros. Way to many people to be a fun experience, but they actually had the castle open this year and it was exciting to see the insides again (we went on a guided tour a couple of years ago).
It's a small castle, more of a manor, but it has some history, and they're slowly renovating it back to it's glory.
I'm a bit conflicted about the Christmas market. I think it's an amazing thing, they really should share the place with people, but I live here, and hell no, I don't want all those people right out in front of my windows!
But it's only two weekends. I'll survive. And there's Christmas Lights everywhere. I love that shit.
Oh well.
Next weekend I'm not home some of the time anyway.
I promised I would go and see the new introduction team (dog training) take their test on Saturday, and there's this big competition on Sunday (club championship), which I also promised to attend.
I actually said yes to help by being a scribe, following a judge around and note down what they say, but I haven't heard from anybody yet, so I'm not sure if they need me. I hope so, even though it's for many hours and I'm gonna die. But I want to learn! And helping is the best way to do it!
Last weekend I participated in the yearly Great Nordic Word War - 24 hours of competing with the other Nordics about who can write the most. I wrote almost 5000 words from 2 pm til midnight, which is nuts since I haven't really written anything the last months except for roleplay. And that is not the same. Good words? Probably not, but it was a nice experience, showing myself I can do something like that. And I got to explore some of my characters from a project about fantasy in space. I liked that. I have a morally grey character, a half-orc who was breed for violence, and he told me a story from his youth. Poor fella.
I'm trying to worldbuild, but I'm so low energy at the moment, and I feel obligated to focus on my roleplay.
But not today. Today I'm gonna be a couch potato. Well, I have to make dinner most of the afternoon, it's one of those dishes that takes hours to boil and stuff.
The south and east of the country have gotten snow. I'm just above the line. It's snowing, but it doesn't stay. It sucks, I love snow. Give me all the snow!
It's time for lunch.
After I'm gonna watch some Supernatural (it's been years since I watched any of it) and knit on the pullover vest for my mom. I'm knitting the body now, so it's very braindead. I need that.
Things are not all bad at the moment, but I wish I had more energy. There's so much I wanna do, but the days just disappear as sand between my fingers.
Today I will relax and recharge and hopefully I'll be able to do stuff tomorrow.
This times it's because I've been way too active this weekend.
Friday I cleaned the goddamn shower stall. I frickin' hate that thing. Cleaning that small space of my home is my Mount Everest. I was very seriously contemplating hiring someone to do it, it had become overwhelmingly gross.
But I did it!
Fucking hell. Took me almost two hours and I was absolutely dead afterward, but I did it!
And it dawned on me how much ADHD affects me - I didn't (and still don't) have any feeling of contentment. I'm not in any way satisfied. There wasn't any happy burst of dopamine. I don't feel happy about what I did, I just feel tired and poopy and hate it.
No wonder why it's so hard to do any form of tasks, when there's no mental/physical reward afterward.
Sigh.
Saturday was a good day. I drove us to a beautiful and wonderful piece of nature (50 km each way, I'm proud of myself), where I spend a week in a vacation home some years ago. There's both beach and forest, and it's so amazing. I was a bit nervous to visit it again, since I didn't know how my brain would take it, but as soon as I parked, I was so, so, so happy. No people, the sound of waves crashing and this very beautiful forest.
I can't remember when I felt so happy just to be. The dog loved it and hubby had fun too.
At some point I heard a gunshot (hunters, not in that part of the forest, they put up signs where you shouldn't be) and a few moments later two herds of deer came thundering by. Never seen that before!
If I ever won in the lottery and become a multimillionaire, I would by that forest and enjoy my life there.
Yesterday, Sunday, we went to the neighbor's Christmas market. And when I say the neighbor, it's our landlord and they own a castle. We live on the edge of the castle's park, so it's a front row for the comotion. Last year they had 15.500 visitors over two weekends. I'm pretty sure they're gonna beat that this year. Holy fuck there was so many people everywhere.
We got free tickets, so we went and looked at all the stalls, bought a few things and I had a hot cocoa and some churros. Way to many people to be a fun experience, but they actually had the castle open this year and it was exciting to see the insides again (we went on a guided tour a couple of years ago).
It's a small castle, more of a manor, but it has some history, and they're slowly renovating it back to it's glory.
I'm a bit conflicted about the Christmas market. I think it's an amazing thing, they really should share the place with people, but I live here, and hell no, I don't want all those people right out in front of my windows!
But it's only two weekends. I'll survive. And there's Christmas Lights everywhere. I love that shit.
Oh well.
Next weekend I'm not home some of the time anyway.
I promised I would go and see the new introduction team (dog training) take their test on Saturday, and there's this big competition on Sunday (club championship), which I also promised to attend.
I actually said yes to help by being a scribe, following a judge around and note down what they say, but I haven't heard from anybody yet, so I'm not sure if they need me. I hope so, even though it's for many hours and I'm gonna die. But I want to learn! And helping is the best way to do it!
Last weekend I participated in the yearly Great Nordic Word War - 24 hours of competing with the other Nordics about who can write the most. I wrote almost 5000 words from 2 pm til midnight, which is nuts since I haven't really written anything the last months except for roleplay. And that is not the same. Good words? Probably not, but it was a nice experience, showing myself I can do something like that. And I got to explore some of my characters from a project about fantasy in space. I liked that. I have a morally grey character, a half-orc who was breed for violence, and he told me a story from his youth. Poor fella.
I'm trying to worldbuild, but I'm so low energy at the moment, and I feel obligated to focus on my roleplay.
But not today. Today I'm gonna be a couch potato. Well, I have to make dinner most of the afternoon, it's one of those dishes that takes hours to boil and stuff.
The south and east of the country have gotten snow. I'm just above the line. It's snowing, but it doesn't stay. It sucks, I love snow. Give me all the snow!
It's time for lunch.
After I'm gonna watch some Supernatural (it's been years since I watched any of it) and knit on the pullover vest for my mom. I'm knitting the body now, so it's very braindead. I need that.
Things are not all bad at the moment, but I wish I had more energy. There's so much I wanna do, but the days just disappear as sand between my fingers.
Today I will relax and recharge and hopefully I'll be able to do stuff tomorrow.
