Buckhorn's part of the woods

The trip to the hospital for the yearly diabtes-check-up Wednesday just wiped me out.
Six and a half hours, where two of them was a mix of poking and prodding and conversations. The rest was public transport, waiting and the drive home.

Thursday I was exhausted, just tired. My mood was fine, but wow.
Friday ... tired and a very bad mood. The real mental-hangover.

I'm back in the hole of "I can't do shit", and I hate it. I just want to feel more positive about myself and stuff I do and make.
But alas.
The thought of "I'll never amount to anything" just sticks as a bloodthirsty parasite.

So no writing since Tuesday.

My mood today isn't really better, but it's weekend and Hubby makes it bearable.
We're working on evolving some parts of our relationship a bit. Sometimes things just needs a good conversation and a shake. Nothing negative, we fit so well together. 15 years and counting.
I don't know what I should do without him.

We cleaned the house and we're gonna eat early and then drive into the Danish wilderness (that's a joke, Denmark to small to have any real wilderness). It's hot today, but no sun and a lot of wind.

I feel bad. I've known a person for some years now, and they really want to be my friend. It worked for a couple of years, but I don't feel it anymore. I've tried letting it fizzle out, but no, they sent me a message on Discord. If we could find a day during the summer to just chat (voice chat) while knitting or something?
I don't have the heart for a hard no, so I just "Yeah, maybe" and hope I can find an excuse not to. I know. I'm not handling it very well, but I just... take a hint, please?
I know they're lonely, they're difficult to be friend with. I'm not the only one that thinks that.
I feel bad, but I have a hard time engaging in people I don't vibe with.
I don't know if I'm a bad friend. Probably. I'm not easy, I know. I try, though.

I feel lonely too, but luckily I have an easier time being alone. Despite me not loving me, I feel comfortable in my own company. Most of the time.
And I have friends. A few, at least. And Hubby.

I'm just rambling.
I hope my mood improves in the next days. I really want to return to my writing, no matter what I feel like writing. I feel like I'm opening up to the idea of just following what I want and not what I should.
And Tuesday I have an event on Discord. I hope people show up. The last one I held no one showed. That hurts. I still want to cancel just to avoid that.

So far this vacation hasn't started out great, but one day at the time.

Oh well. It's time to watch S.W.A.T. and make some good burgers before spending some time in the car with Hubby. I need that. Just talking, listening to music and watching the Danish countryside.