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It is with pride I can say I've been writing.
It. Feels. So. Good.
There's a submission call for smut on the Discord server and I had an idea. Oh well, it turned non-con-ish, so that's out the window, but the most important thing is, it got me writing. I haven't finished it yet, but I probably will. And then I have to figure out something else, though I'm not sure I'll submit anything.
I don't feel comfortable sharing any smut, and I've been thinking about why. I guess I'm terrified of being judged by my thoughts on the matter. I don't feel comfortable talking about "the naughties" (thanks Cliccy) irl, so ... yeah. But I'm not a not-smut-person. I don't have a problem with sex in my head, it's just the talking and sharing part that scares me shitless.
I already feel panic-y writing this.
I want to learn not to be this fucking scared of what people think.
I'm so fucking afraid of being perceived. And perceived in a bad way.
Another reason why I have so much trouble with people and going out into the world and just be me.
And just write. I feel like people are gonna judge me hard on everything I write.
Oh well.
It's just not smut I've been writing. I read something on FB today about humans and aliens and something just turned on in my head. It's not even related, but I'm working on some sci-fi-shortstory, and suddenly I just wanted to work on that.
So I read the one I've already written (well, the last part is just dialogue - I wrote most of it at The Great Nordic Word War (24 hours of war between the Nordics to see who can write the most - but it's there!) and I freaking love it. It's very rare I like something I've made this much, but I just love the characters, the setting and the narrative.
I've been editing and rewriting for hours today and it's amazing. I'm having a hard time putting it down, but my brain is mush. There's another day tomorrow! I just hope the hype lasts!
I really want to finish this. And write all the other shortstories with the same two persons, Seik and Rhemis. Rhemis is a soldier in The Intergalactic Federation and Seik is a run-away slave fighting for the resistance. Think American history rather than Star Wars. Or maybe a mix. Seik is a talker with a lot of humor and Rhemis is more of a thinker and a serious man.
In this story they shoot each other down on a radioactive moon and have to work together to survive.
I love the way they interact with each other. The threats and the humanity underneath the mutual hate.
I just love when enemies are forced to work together and see the other side.
Yeah. I want my smut to be enemies to lovers or at least friends to lovers. I just haven't figured out how.
And no, so far no smut in the shortstory with Seik and Rhemis. They don't have time, they have to survive!
I think I'm finally on the right track mentally. I'm still tired, but it's better.
I feel like vacation is coming. Wednesday I have the yearly checkup at the hospital for my diabetes and then... nothing. No plans for a couple of weeks! Well, it probably wont last, but right now... vacation! I need that shit.
My MILs dog was put to sleep today. She had a tumor and it just took a really bad turn today so the vet came and that was it. MIL called me and cried, and I just can't handle something like that, but I tried. I'm sad too, it was a weird dog, but very sweet and special. We had her on vacation a couple of times and I'm gonna miss her.
And I can't even tell my dog her friend is dead.
I should go to bed. We finally had some summer days, but it means a really hot bedroom and I like to sleep cold. I've been sleeping without ear plugs for some nights and that doesn't help, but I had some ear-pain. I think it's over and I'm gonna try the plugs tonight. I sleep so much better with them.
I'm having a mental tickle. My brain is itching to write and make stuff, and I'm sad writing is so slooow. I wish I could draw. Fast. Just to get some of the need to express myself and give life to the feelings and pictures in my mind.
And it just seems a lot easier to draw a single picture rather than have to write a whole damn scene for a single "frame".
But that's just how it is. I can't draw for shit and it's okay. But I do envy the artists out there!
Oh well! Time for bed! The faster I sleep the faster I can return to work on Seik and Rhemis!
It. Feels. So. Good.
There's a submission call for smut on the Discord server and I had an idea. Oh well, it turned non-con-ish, so that's out the window, but the most important thing is, it got me writing. I haven't finished it yet, but I probably will. And then I have to figure out something else, though I'm not sure I'll submit anything.
I don't feel comfortable sharing any smut, and I've been thinking about why. I guess I'm terrified of being judged by my thoughts on the matter. I don't feel comfortable talking about "the naughties" (thanks Cliccy) irl, so ... yeah. But I'm not a not-smut-person. I don't have a problem with sex in my head, it's just the talking and sharing part that scares me shitless.
I already feel panic-y writing this.
I want to learn not to be this fucking scared of what people think.
I'm so fucking afraid of being perceived. And perceived in a bad way.
Another reason why I have so much trouble with people and going out into the world and just be me.
And just write. I feel like people are gonna judge me hard on everything I write.
Oh well.
It's just not smut I've been writing. I read something on FB today about humans and aliens and something just turned on in my head. It's not even related, but I'm working on some sci-fi-shortstory, and suddenly I just wanted to work on that.
So I read the one I've already written (well, the last part is just dialogue - I wrote most of it at The Great Nordic Word War (24 hours of war between the Nordics to see who can write the most - but it's there!) and I freaking love it. It's very rare I like something I've made this much, but I just love the characters, the setting and the narrative.
I've been editing and rewriting for hours today and it's amazing. I'm having a hard time putting it down, but my brain is mush. There's another day tomorrow! I just hope the hype lasts!
I really want to finish this. And write all the other shortstories with the same two persons, Seik and Rhemis. Rhemis is a soldier in The Intergalactic Federation and Seik is a run-away slave fighting for the resistance. Think American history rather than Star Wars. Or maybe a mix. Seik is a talker with a lot of humor and Rhemis is more of a thinker and a serious man.
In this story they shoot each other down on a radioactive moon and have to work together to survive.
I love the way they interact with each other. The threats and the humanity underneath the mutual hate.
I just love when enemies are forced to work together and see the other side.
Yeah. I want my smut to be enemies to lovers or at least friends to lovers. I just haven't figured out how.
And no, so far no smut in the shortstory with Seik and Rhemis. They don't have time, they have to survive!
I think I'm finally on the right track mentally. I'm still tired, but it's better.
I feel like vacation is coming. Wednesday I have the yearly checkup at the hospital for my diabetes and then... nothing. No plans for a couple of weeks! Well, it probably wont last, but right now... vacation! I need that shit.
My MILs dog was put to sleep today. She had a tumor and it just took a really bad turn today so the vet came and that was it. MIL called me and cried, and I just can't handle something like that, but I tried. I'm sad too, it was a weird dog, but very sweet and special. We had her on vacation a couple of times and I'm gonna miss her.
And I can't even tell my dog her friend is dead.
I should go to bed. We finally had some summer days, but it means a really hot bedroom and I like to sleep cold. I've been sleeping without ear plugs for some nights and that doesn't help, but I had some ear-pain. I think it's over and I'm gonna try the plugs tonight. I sleep so much better with them.
I'm having a mental tickle. My brain is itching to write and make stuff, and I'm sad writing is so slooow. I wish I could draw. Fast. Just to get some of the need to express myself and give life to the feelings and pictures in my mind.
And it just seems a lot easier to draw a single picture rather than have to write a whole damn scene for a single "frame".
But that's just how it is. I can't draw for shit and it's okay. But I do envy the artists out there!
Oh well! Time for bed! The faster I sleep the faster I can return to work on Seik and Rhemis!
