Like walking through mud

Did I forget Dreamwidth existed? Yes. Yes I did.
I blame my browser, it had a meltdown, shut down and erased all of my saved tabs. And how am I supposed to remember anything then?!

I just ... I'm crashing and burning these days. I'm tired, lifeless. Not overly depressed, just ... I have nothing to give.
I know it's okay. I will always have these periods of not-working, and I just have to accept it, let myself rest and take a break. I'll be back at some point.
The worst part is my conscience, I can't seem to let it go. There's a lot of "shoulds" and "have tos". Again, since my depression isn't that bad, I can somewhat handle it. Though I do have a lot of stuff I should be on top of.
Oh well. Cleaning doesn't go anywhere. It's here next week too.

And there's good too!
I already got approved for renewing my driver's license! It took one fucking day. Apparently they didn't need to swing it by a doctor. But that's just insane. Bureaucracy doesn't usually work that fast here.

And today I went for a drive without hubby in the car. I didn't panic, though I didn't relax. It was fine. I'm fine. And from now on I'll drive myself and the dog to the dog training club.
That, my friends, is a huge succes!

And for the first time in a month and a half I looked at the Discord server for writers I'm in. It's fine too. I'm fine. It's not great, but I'm off to a good start. The worst part is the FOMO, I needed a couple of days to remind myself I don't have to be a part of everything. Life goes on when you're not there, and you'll survive. Even though there now is even more stuff I don't understand.

But I've been working on some ideas for writing. I started with KAOS (Chaos), which is about the God of Chaos. I tried. It didn't really hit the right spot, though I still love the idea.
Now I'm taking notes (omg, I'm actually taking notes in a physical notebook, that's ... that's something) about Farahd Skyggefarer (Farahd Shadow Traveler or maybe ... Farahd Shadow Walker? A "farer" is an old word describing someone who travels). I wrote a very short short-story about a man in a dungeon who has the ability to travel to the Shadow Realm.
I liked him. Now I'm trying to piece together something that looks like a plot, or at least just a goal. Why should I tell his story?
I think there might be a woman of nobility who's secretly a warrior and likes to dress like a man, an evil princess and a horse that's not a horse. And maybe a enemy turned friend.

I don't know. But I hope the wheels keep turning on this one. It's more up my ally than most of what I've been trying to work on for the last ... very long time. It's more like The Finder's Task, which I still want to finish. 
One step at a time. Right now I need to find myself and my love for writing again. And remember not to care if some of the ideas feel like beating a dead horse. I'm telling them in MY voice.

I'm proud of myself. I'm not standing still, I fight to move forward, and I think that's the most important thing, even though everything seems too much at the moment. I've been driving, I'm not sinking into depression, I try. I keep trying.

But, really, I just want to write a god damn book. Books. A lot of them. Come on brain, let's go!
I'm just so damn exhausted.