![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
My brain is not in a good mood.
My back is hurting and being stiff, I'm still tired and it's that time of the month. Again.
And my hubby is home the next three weeks. Vacation time! I really looked forward to it, even though I knew it would be exhausting. I just didn't know I would be this dead half through the fist week!
I love spending time with him, but him being home all the time fucks with my daily effort of having a routine, and it just so ... My autism really need that routine. My brain gets cooked from this uncertainty of "what are we supposed to do now?".
I just have to make the best of it. Today we having "me´time", which means we don't have plans together, except for cooking dinner. So I've been working through my daily to do-list and I hope to have enough energy to write a bit. I think I'll take a shower when I'm done writing this. In hopes my back would ease up a bit.
I have this lingering feeling of feeling guilty. For not doing or being enough. Yesterday I had to ask my hubby a couple of time if he was mad because I had slept a bit late and we went out the door later than planned. Of course he assured me he wasn't, but ... sigh.
Today I'm gonna rest and tomorrow ... yeah, tomorrow.
I'm gonna text the agility instructor and say I'm coming tomorrow. And then hope we'll be enough! I really wanna start! And the dog really needs some fun.
But.
I have a phone call in the morning.
My mother in law told me about what's called a "bekymringssamtale" (a concern conversation), which is where relatives can have a talk with someones doctor. And I really need to put some of the pressure of my moms well-being on someone else. So I called the doctors office last week and I have an appointment via phone tomorrow.
I feel guilty for going behind her back, but she wont listen to me. And honestly I don't have the spoons for being the only one keeping an eye on her or taking the responsibility. I can barely take care of my self.
I know, there's not much the doctor can do if my mom don't want to. But I need to do this.
I need a nap. I slept very well, but I'm completely pooped. I feel crossed-eyed.
But first a shower!
And then I hope I have a few brain cells left for writing. I could also beta read - I've been editing someones entry to the smut-submission and ... actually I'm a bit afraid of sending it back, because holy skull-emoji I've never done anything like this. I really went deep and I've made so many corrections and suggestions and I'm nervous about if it makes any sense or how it will be received. I mean, I'm very far from pro. But I just ... I did like my own beta does (She's an actual editor).
I've spend many hours on these six pages (now seven, spaces, people, spaces!) and I'm not done yet. I should just get done with it, but after some days without writing, I really wanna go back to Mason and Emi.
Oh well.
I hope I'm not as tired tomorrow.
If a shower doesn't help I'll probably start reading the last of the Colter Shaw series. I've watched way too much telly these days.
Or maybe I should nap. I just hate napping during the day (no I don,t I sleep like a baby, but it fucks with my sleep rhythm).
I should send a text.
My back is hurting and being stiff, I'm still tired and it's that time of the month. Again.
And my hubby is home the next three weeks. Vacation time! I really looked forward to it, even though I knew it would be exhausting. I just didn't know I would be this dead half through the fist week!
I love spending time with him, but him being home all the time fucks with my daily effort of having a routine, and it just so ... My autism really need that routine. My brain gets cooked from this uncertainty of "what are we supposed to do now?".
I just have to make the best of it. Today we having "me´time", which means we don't have plans together, except for cooking dinner. So I've been working through my daily to do-list and I hope to have enough energy to write a bit. I think I'll take a shower when I'm done writing this. In hopes my back would ease up a bit.
I have this lingering feeling of feeling guilty. For not doing or being enough. Yesterday I had to ask my hubby a couple of time if he was mad because I had slept a bit late and we went out the door later than planned. Of course he assured me he wasn't, but ... sigh.
Today I'm gonna rest and tomorrow ... yeah, tomorrow.
I'm gonna text the agility instructor and say I'm coming tomorrow. And then hope we'll be enough! I really wanna start! And the dog really needs some fun.
But.
I have a phone call in the morning.
My mother in law told me about what's called a "bekymringssamtale" (a concern conversation), which is where relatives can have a talk with someones doctor. And I really need to put some of the pressure of my moms well-being on someone else. So I called the doctors office last week and I have an appointment via phone tomorrow.
I feel guilty for going behind her back, but she wont listen to me. And honestly I don't have the spoons for being the only one keeping an eye on her or taking the responsibility. I can barely take care of my self.
I know, there's not much the doctor can do if my mom don't want to. But I need to do this.
I need a nap. I slept very well, but I'm completely pooped. I feel crossed-eyed.
But first a shower!
And then I hope I have a few brain cells left for writing. I could also beta read - I've been editing someones entry to the smut-submission and ... actually I'm a bit afraid of sending it back, because holy skull-emoji I've never done anything like this. I really went deep and I've made so many corrections and suggestions and I'm nervous about if it makes any sense or how it will be received. I mean, I'm very far from pro. But I just ... I did like my own beta does (She's an actual editor).
I've spend many hours on these six pages (now seven, spaces, people, spaces!) and I'm not done yet. I should just get done with it, but after some days without writing, I really wanna go back to Mason and Emi.
Oh well.
I hope I'm not as tired tomorrow.
If a shower doesn't help I'll probably start reading the last of the Colter Shaw series. I've watched way too much telly these days.
Or maybe I should nap. I just hate napping during the day (no I don,t I sleep like a baby, but it fucks with my sleep rhythm).
I should send a text.
